Tag Archives: Caucasian Vaginas

Guthrie Named PBR Wiffler of the Week for Week 2 of First Round Playoffs

5 Aug

After pitching the first and only perfect game in the history of the EWL, Guthrie has been voted the Pabst Blue Ribbon Wiffler of the Week for the second week of the first round of the EWL playoffs. He joins Blose as the only two-time winners of the PBR Wiffler of the Week.

Guthrie’s historic performance finalized a three-game sweep by the Caucasian Vaginas of Pumice on Slow!, sending them to the first ever EWL Wiffle Series. Only a week prior, Guthrie threw a one-hitter in Game 1, baffling Pumice! hitters and giving his team an early lead in the series. One win away from clinching a title series berth, Guthrie had total command on the mound in the most dominant start in league history. He retired all 12 Pumice! batters in order. At the plate, he went 2-5 with a home run, a single, and an RBI. He also registered 4 put-outs. He received only a few more votes than Vassallo, who turned in one of the most clutch performances in league history, coming through for the Fish Sticks in key moments of games 4 and 5. Guthrie has now been named PBR Wiffler of the Week twice, he was selected as a member of the All-EWL team, and he was the 2011 Pitch King.

Guthrie's no-hitter was the first in league history and clinched a title shot for the Caucasians

Pabst Blue Ribbon Post-Game Show with Guest Guthrie of the Caucasians

1 Aug

T.C. interviews Guthrie on the Pabst Blue Ribbon Post-Game show immediately after he threw the first perfect game in the history of the EWL, a game 3 win clinching a sweep and championship berth for the Caucasians. They discuss the final few outs of the no-hitter, his postseason success, and the Caucasians title chances.

2011 Wiffle Series Set to Begin: Caucasians vs. Sticks

31 Jul

The first ever EWL Wiffle Series will start Tuesday, August 2nd at 6:30PM at the Wiffle Diamond in Shadyside. The #1 seed Caucasian Vaginas, fresh off a 3-0 sweep of Pumice on Slow!, will face off against the #2 seed Fish Sticks, who defeated 4 out of 5 Dentists in five games to advance to the championship series. The series will be a best-of-seven format with the Caucasians holding homefield advantage after finishing with the best record in the regular season and winning the pennant. Games 1, 2, and 3 are scheduled to be played August 2nd.

The Caucasians and the Sticks met six times during the regular season with the Vaginas going 4-2 for the season series. Four of the six matchups were decided by two runs or less with each team throwing one shutout. The Caucasians ended the season on a four game win-streak, and after sweeping their first round opponent have now won seven straight. This streak ties their longest of the season; the Caucasians opened the 2011 season 7-0 before taking their first loss. The Sticks finished the regular season on a three game win-streak and won six of their last eight, culminating in the 20th game when they clinched the #2 seed, a win that proved pivotal in their first round series against the Dentists.

In game 1 (and games 3, 5, and 7), the Caucasians will march the 2011 Pitch King Guthrie out to the mound, fresh off the first perfect game in EWL history. Guthrie started only two games against the Sticks during the regular season, going 1-1 and taking his only loss of the season. In his win, he pitched a complete game giving up only 1 run on 2 hits, and in his loss he allowed 3 runs on 5 hits. He has yet to give up a run in the postseason in 12 innings pitched.

The Caucasians have alternated their #2 starter throughout the season, but appear to have settled on Les as their off-game starter. He only faced the Fish Sticks once in the regular season, taking the loss after giving up 5 runs on 8 hits. He finished the regular season with 10 consecutive shutout innings, however, and won game 2 for the Caucasians in their sweep of Pumice!

Frosty started one game against the Sticks in the regular season, pitching a complete game, giving up only 1 run on 5 hits in a win. Higgins also started one game against the Fish Sticks, pitching a complete game win while allowing only 1 run on 3 hits. And finally, Morrison also started one game against the Sticks, giving up 6 runs on 8 hits but collecting a winning decision.

The Fish Sticks have employed a consistent rotation of Dinger and Joey for the entire regular season and postseason. Dinger will start game 1, and he went 0-2 in his only two starts against the Caucasians during the 2011 regular season. He gave up 7 runs on 10 hits in both of his starts for a combined total of 14 earned runs on 20 hits in 11 innings. He’s 1-2 in the postseason so far and has given up 10 earned runs in 18.5 innings pitched. His win came in game 1, when he shut down the Dentists in a complete game win.

Joey will start the even-numbered games for the Fish Sticks in the Wiffle Series and will be called from the bullpen if necessary during the others. He started 4 games against the Caucasians during the regular season, going 2-2. In his two losses, he gave up a combined 6 earned runs on 10 hits in 10 innings. In his two wins, he gave up a combined 2 earned runs on 9 hits in 11 innings, including a complete game shutout. He is 1-0 in the postseason so far, earning his only win in the deciding game 5 of the Sticks’ first round series.

Blose made one of his 3 appearances of the 2011 season against the Caucasians, pitching a perfect sixth inning for one of his 3 saves on the year. He got the win in game 4 of the Sticks’ first round series, pitching 5 innings and giving up only 1 earned run.

Guthrie Tosses Perfect Game to Send Caucasians to the Championship Series

21 Jul

Guthrie became the first player in EWL history to throw a perfect game, capping a sweep of Pumice on Slow!

A week after throwing a 1-hit shutout in Game 1 of their series against Pumice on Slow!, Guthrie threw the first perfect game in the history of the EWL in Game 3 in the most dominant single-game pitching performance the league has ever seen. The win clinched a 3-0 sweep of Pumice! by the Caucasians, and sent them to the league’s first Wiffle Series.

Pumice! needed a win to continue their 2011 season, and their best hope was their ace Gaurav, who they sent to the mound to start Game 3. It didn’t even take one batter for Pumice! to fall into the trap that had tanked games for them time and time again during the regular season. Morrison, the game’s first batter, hit a catchable ball that could have resulted in the first out of the top of the first. Instead, Morrison was safe at first, and a series of fielding and throwing errors resulted in Morrison rounding the bases for a leadoff inside-the-park home run, immediately putting Pumice on Slow! in a 1-0 hole. The next batter, Guthrie, blasted a home run to deep left field, and the Caucasians had a 2-0 lead before the first out of the game had been recorded. Frosty followed with a single, and it looked as if the Caucasians would run away with the game and the series. But Gaurav settled down, retiring Higgins and Morrison, stranding Frosty at second base, and keeping the game within reach.

Guthrie continued to bewilder Pumice! batters, retiring Luke and Gaurav in order in the bottom of the first.

Gaurav had a more routine inning in the top of the second, as he retired Guthrie for the first out of the inning. Frosty followed with his second single of the game, but Gaurav stranded him at first, getting Higgins to ground out to left for the second out of the inning.

With the score 2-0, Guthrie retired John and Holly consecutively in the bottom of the second.

The Caucasians added to their lead in the top of the third when Morrison led off the inning with his second homer of the game, putting the Vaginas ahead 3-0. Gaurav then retired Guthrie and Les in order to keep the deficit at three runs.

Pumice! couldn’t answer in the bottom of the third, as Luke and Gaurav were sent down in order.

Pumice! hitters were frustrated by Guthrie's pitching all series

Gaurav got back on track in the top of the fourth, retiring Higgins and Morrison, both by groundouts to left field.

Guthrie continued to dominate in the bottom of the fourth, as he sent down Brad and Holly to keep the score at 3-0.

Guthrie singled to lead off the top of the fifth, but Gaurav retired Les for the first out of the inning when he flew out to left field. Frosty hit a one-out single, which moved Guthrie to third, putting runners on the corners with one out for Morrison. Morrison could have effectively ended the game with a big hit, but Gaurav got him to groundout to centerfield, stranding both runners and keeping hope alive for Pumice!

Pumice! couldn’t figure out Guthrie, however, as he continued to mow down hitters, retiring Luke and Gaurav in order to end the fifth.

Up 3-0 and down to their final at-bat, the Caucasians added insurance runs in the top of the sixth. Guthrie flew out to left for the first out of the inning, but Les and Frosty followed with back-to-back solo homers, giving the Caucasians a 5-0 lead. Gaurav retired Higgins for the second out of the inning, and Pumice! would need 5 runs in the bottom half of the sixth to keep their season alive.

Frosty was a perfect 4 for 4 with a home run in the Caucasians 5-0 victory

Frosty was a perfect 4 for 4 with a home run in the Caucasians 5-0 victory

Heading into the bottom of the sixth, word has spread on the sidelines that Guthrie had a chance to throw the league’s first ever perfect game. At this point he had already gone the deepest into a game any pitcher had without giving up a hit. Brad grounded out to left for the first out of the inning, and Guthrie was one out away from perfection. The final batter was John, who took a series of pitches and fouled a few off. After several pitches, he finally hit a liner to left. Les had some trouble handling the ball at first, but eventually snagged it just in time to retire John. Guthrie had ended the series, sweeping Pumice on Slow! with a perfect game, retiring all 12 batters in order. He dominated Pumice! throughout the course of the game, frustrating them with his ClawBall as they repeatedly couldn’t make solid contact. The Caucasians had won 5-0, and advanced to the championship series, as they awaited the finale of the other series to see who they would play.

Guthrie displays the autographed game ball of his perfect game

Game Notes:
– Pumice! had three chances to break up the no-hitter, the closest call coming in the top of the fifth when Gaurav crushed a pitch to deep left, but it hit the tree and Morrison caught it for an out.
– Guthrie has now given up only 1 hit and no earned runs in 12 innings in the 2011 playoffs.
– Morrison went 2 for 5 with 2 HR and 2 RBI and Frosty went 4 for 4 with 3 singles, 1 HR, and 1 RBi to lead the Caucasians offensively.
– Pumice! ended their season in disappointing fashion, but they played hard until the final out and were great representatives of the EWL.

Box Score

Inaugural All-EWL Team Named, Caucasians and Fish Sticks Selected

19 Jul

The 2011 All-EWL Team

Blose and Joey of the Fish Sticks along with Morrison and Guthrie of the Caucasian Vaginas have been named to the first ever All-EWL Team, recognizing the top all-around players throughout the 2011 regular season. The four players received a significant portion of the votes, enough to separate the four from all other finalists.

Blose was dominant offensively and defensively throughout the 2011 season

It’s no surprise to see that Blose has been named to the All-EWL Team. He was an unstoppable force at the plate throughout the majority of the regular season, and carried his team defensively as well. He set single-season league records in nearly every offensive category, led the league in put-outs, and was the only player in the league to record a save (3 of them). He was the only two-time Pabst Blue Ribbon Wiffler of the Week, taking home the award for weeks 3 and 10. He won the batting title by 11 points, finishing the year at .490, one hit away from a .500 season. He slugged over 200 points better than any other player, due in large part to hitting 20 home runs, 4 more than any other player. He led the league in RBI with 30, and won the EWL Triple Crown, a feat that was not anticipated and may not occur again soon. He came through in the clutch, and at times was the only player on his team producing. He was an EWL star from week 1, and the 2011 season will be remembered for his statistical achievements and great plays.

Guthrie was clutch at the plate and unhittable on the mound

Guthrie, the 2011 EWL Pitch King, can add another badge to his 2011 season, as he is now a member of the All-EWL Team. Guthrie made his name on the mound, shutting down opposing teams as the Caucasians rode his arm to the pennant and #1 seed. But he was no slouch at the plate either. He finished in the top 10 in almost every major offensive category, but finished in the top 5 in only one category, GWRBI. That stat, however, best describes his offensive performance in 2011. When the Caucasians needed a big hit, Guthrie was there to deliver, often putting them over-the-top for the win. He hit safely in all but two games that he played in, and had three multi-HR games, including a game with 5 RBI. He missed six games this year, and had he have been able to play a full 20-game schedule, his offensive numbers surely would have been more impressive and competitive. When he was in the lineup, he was a tough out at the plate, a rock solid fielder, and the best pitcher the game has seen. His presence was crucial to the Caucasians success in 2011.

Morrison was an elite player and a model of consistency in 2011

No EWL player was more consistently productive throughout the course of the regular season than Morrison of the Caucasian Vaginas. Morrison hit safely in all but two of the nineteen games he played, and had 2 or more hits in 16 of the 19 games, a remarkable total. He had at least one home run every week of the entire season and didn’t strike out a single time, totaling by far the most at-bats of any player who didn’t strike out. Morrison was in the top 3 in every offensive category except doubles and triples, and was ranked 2nd or higher in an incredible 10 different categories. His 7 GWRBI were two more than any other player in the league, showing how regularly his performance at the plate led his team to victory. He finished 24 points higher in batting average than everyone in the league except Blose, he was one of three players to slug over 1.000, one of two players to hit over 15 home runs, and would have won the triple crown if not for Blose. He totaled 91 putouts, and was the foundation of the Caucasian defense. Morrison took the league by storm and turned the Caucasian Vaginas into the championship favorites.

Joey was the Robin to Blose's Batman for the Fish Sticks

Joey’s 2011 season was bookended by stretches of terrific offensive performances, with a dry spell in the middle, and solid pitching throughout. He started off the season on a tear, only to return to Earth midseason, and heat back up in time to help lead the Sticks to the #2 seed as the regular season schedule concluded. Joey carried a 14-game hitting streak into the final third of the season, and hit safely in 18 of 20 games. He finished in the top 5 of every single offensive category, over 12 different stats, and led the league in doubles. He finished 3rd to Blose and Morrison in five different categories including hits, runs, HR, RBI, and total bases. He was one of 5 players to hit over .400, and hit 20 points better than the next best player. He was the only player to hit double digit singles, doubles, and home runs, and his 4 GWRBI were third most in the league. He set a league record with wins on the mound, totaling 8, and finished with the league’s 5th lowest ERA. He was solid in the field, netting only 43 putouts but rarely committing an error.

The full vote tally will be posted tomorrow, as the same vote was used to determine Wiffler of the Year. Stay tuned.

Three Teams Represented as 2011 EWL Field Masters are Named

16 Jul

The 2011 EWL Field Masters

Luke of Pumice on Slow!, Blose and Vassallo of the Fish Sticks, and Morrison of the Caucasians Vaginas have been named the 2011 EWL Field Masters, an award that recognizes the best defensive players throughout the EWL regular season. These four players played top-notch defense consistently throughout the season, racked up the top four put-out totals, and made the biggest impact for their team in the field.

Luke of Pumice on Slow! was the top vote-getter among Field Masters

Luke was the top vote-getter, finishing 2nd place in league voting by a single vote, and moving to first in overall voting after the commissioner vote. Luke tied for the most first-place votes, and his combination of 7 first and second place votes was the most in the league. Luke finished fourth among fielders in put-outs with 70, averaging 4.3 put-outs per game. He was typically deployed in leftfield for Pumice!, and has the single game league record of 12 put-outs in one game. He routinely made catches out of the tree, scarfed up ground balls, and made difficult fly ball catches in fair and foul territory. He played the ball off the fence incredibly well, and could get to balls quickly enough to retire even the fastest base runners. He was the bright spot on an often shaky Pumice! defense.

Blose of the Fish Sticks led the EWL in put-outs and spectacular plays

Blose led league voting by one vote, and 2nd in overall voting after the commission vote. He tied Luke for most first-place votes and also tied for most overall league votes. Blose led the league in put-outs, setting a single-season record with 96, averaging 4.8 put-outs per game. He often played centerfield for the Fish Sticks, where he captained the Sticks defensive unit. He alone made 3 or 4 of the top 5 defensive plays of the year throughout the league. He showed great range, running to catch fly balls in left, center, right, or the infield, and backed up his teammates, occasionally catching balls they attempted to catch or had missed. He snatched balls off the fence for outs, made one-handed snags of line drives, and was a constant reassurance for the Fish Sticks pitching staff.

Morrison of the Caucasian Vaginas helped lead his team to the fewest RA and lowest ERA

Morrison finished 3rd in league voting and also 3rd after the commissioner vote. Morrison had the most 2nd and 5th place votes, and tied Blose for most overall league votes. Morrison finished second in put-outs with 91, and tied Blose for second in the league by averaging 4.8 put-outs per game. He and Blose went neck-and-neck for the league lead in put-outs throughout the season. Morrison played leftfield for the Caucasians, and was the anchor of the Caucasian defense. He directed where the fielders would be positioned, and regularly called off his teammates on fly balls, sure that he would make the snag. He made difficult catches look easy, and could read the flight of the ball better than any other player in the EWL. If errors and fielding % were stats in the EWL, he would have led the league, as he rarely misplayed or mishandled a ball. He helped lead the Caucasians to the lowest runs-allowed and team ERA thanks to his consistency in the field.

Vassallo of the Fish Sticks had the highest put-outs per game average in the EWL

Vassallo finished 4th in league voting and also 4th after the commissioner vote. He finished with the most third place votes, and second among first-place vote-getters. Vassallo finished third in put-outs with 80, leading the league with an average of 5.0 put-outs per game. He started every game he played in leftfield for the Fish Sticks, and likely would have led the league in put-outs if not for missing several games. He read the ball off the fence, whether in the air or on the ground, better than any player in the league, and he caught balls out of the tree with ease. His range extended far into foul territory, as he tracked and ran down fly balls that most players in the league couldn’t get to. No balls got beyond him, and on the few balls he had trouble with, he kept them in front of him, limiting extra-base hits. He was smart and conservative with the ball, often running it in to the pitcher, preventing the opponent from taking bases.

The league and commissioner voting coincided to select four Field Masters that clearly had more votes than any of the other candidates. Les of the Caucasian Vaginas and Marr of 4 out of 5 Dentists (who received the 5th place commissioner vote) were in a second tier of candidates that separated themselves from the pack in terms of voting. Six candidates finished with 11 votes or less. 4 out of 5 Dentists was the only team not represented by the Field Masters, despite having 4 players finish in the top 12 in voting.

Caucasians Hold Off Late Pumice! Rally to Take Commanding 2-0 Series Lead

14 Jul

Les pitched a complete game win and went 2-4 with a HR in Game 2

Les pitched a complete game win as the Caucasians weathered the storm to top Pumice on Slow! 4-3 in Game 2 of their series.

Les, who came into the game having thrown 10 consecutive scoreless innings, three shy of tying the record, added to his streak in the top of the first when he retired Luke and Gaurav in order.

Staff ace Gaurav started on the mound for Pumice!, and he matched Les in the bottom of the second by retiring Frosty and Morrison consecutively.

With the game scoreless, Les notched another inning on his belt in the bottom of the second, as Brad and John were sent down in order.

The Caucasians got the first hit of the game in the bottom of the second, when Guthrie led off with a solo homer, making the score 1-0. Les made back-to-back homers when he crushed a solo shot of his own, extending the Vaginas lead to 2-0. Frosty singled to keep the rally going, but Gaurav settled down, retiring Morrison and Guthrie to strand the runner at first.

Down two runs, Pumice! got on the board for the first time in the series, ending Les’s scoreless inning streak and cutting the Caucasian lead in half. Luke, who had been robbed by the tree earlier, hit solo homer to make the score 2-1. Les then got both Gaurav and Brad to fly out to the mound, ending the top of the third.

Gaurav retired Les and Frosty in order in the bottom of the third, holding the Pumice! deficit to a single run.

Les got back on track in the top of the fourth, as John and Luke were retired in order.

Higgins entered the game for Morrison in the bottom of the fourth, and he made an immediate impact. He led off the bottom of the fourth with a home run, pushing the score to 3-1. Guthrie followed by flying out for the first out of the inning, and after a one-out Les single, Gaurav got Morrison to ground out for the second out of the inning, stranding the runner.

With the deficit back at two runs, Gaurav led off the top of the firth with a solo homer, making the score 3-2. The next batter, Brad, singled, putting the tying runner on base with no outs. But Pumice! couldn’t move the runner, as John and Luke were retired in order, ending the top half of the inning.

Just like he did in the fourth, Higgins led off the bottom of the fifth with his second consecutive homer, putting the Caucasians back up two runs at 4-2. Gaurav then retired Frosty and Les in order to send the game to the sixth inning.

With the score 4-2, Pumice! needed two runs to tie the game. They got one when the first batter of the inning, Gaurav, hit a solo home run, his second in as many at-bats. The bomb cut the score to 4-3. The Caucasians discussed going to the bullpen, but decided give Les a chance to close out the game. And that is what he did, as Brad and John each flew out to end the game, giving the Causcasians the 4-3 win and a 2-0 lead in the best of five series.

Game Notes:
– Gaurav gave up 4 runs on 6 hits, and took the loss for Pumice!
– Gaurav carried Pumice! offensively, going 2 for 4 with 2 HR and 2 RBI
– Higgins hit HR in both of his at-bats in this game
– Les got the complete game win, giving up 3 ER on 4 hits

Box Score